When I thought of what to say recently at my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary celebration, and what that great milestone really means – what came to mind was an interview I heard a couple of years ago with Paulo Coelho. Coelho is the Brazilian author of the book – The Alchemist. It has sold more than 75 Million copies and is about the spiritual quest and following your dreams. The interviewer asked Paulo, “What will God ask you when you meet him?” Paulo says, God is going to ask me, and everyone else, just one question –
“Did you Love Enough?”
I thought to myself, that’s it isn’t it. That’s the core of this whole thing we call life. Life-time after life-time of trying to master this one thing. And a marriage, especially one lasting fifty years, is a lot of time to practice.
But what is ‘Enough Love’?
The image that appeared in my mind was that of a circle, and you standing in the middle. Then around this circle are ever expanding circles, like ripples of water on a lake when you drop a stone. These circles represent ever expanding levels of love. The smallest circle in the middle, with you standing in it, is love for your self. One circle further out is your spouse and direct family. Further out, your extended family. Further still are co-workers, then neighbors, then your community, country, and so on till you reach the furthest circle which is unconditional love for all beings and the planet. That’s the point where you see no difference between yourself and anything else – All is One. That’s where God resides.
And so to me, that is what Paulo Coelho was saying – God is going to ask you how far out from yourself did you extend unconditional love?
Now, for me, my parents are great examples of traveling out on those circles. Certainly the love they’ve given and give every day to themselves and their children is magnificent. If there are two people on the planet I can count on without hesitation, it’s them. And, I think many of us are fortunate to be able to say the same about our parents. My parents also showed over the last fifty years, the ability to venture farther out and show great acts of kindness and compassion to others farther out from themselves.
And, as I thought deeper about the circles of love, I wondered are there some tools one uses to more effectively make that journey beyond ourselves? What I remembered was a conversation I had last year while on a bike ride. I started riding the initial stage with the event organizer. It turned out he was a professor of psychology at a local university. So we started talking and exchanging the usual information. He asked if I was married – I told him yes, and had a couple of children. He replied, he was divorced for the 2nd time just recently.
He then looked at me and said “I know what you’re thinking, a psychology professor should know better, right?”. I replied – “well, I mean, yes, the thought had occurred.” We laughed and rode some more. I then told him that I had been married for close to 2o years and I had learned that for marriage, and all relationships really, there are three things that allow us to achieve happiness – Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Gratitude.
He replied that he had been coming to the same conclusion as he thought about how not to trip up on wife #3. With that, I told him to go ride with this nice woman up ahead who was by herself. He did…wife #3 was in sight…
When we accept our spouse or anyone for exactly who they are and their particular strengths and weaknesses they have and the individual things they are learning and experiencing as part of their path, then we remove the separation between us and acknowledge the underlying truth of who we are – highly interconnected spiritual beings. When we forgive, we recognize that we’re not always going to get everything right, and that every moment is new, the past doesn’t exist and doesn’t matter. And, gratitude, is the core recognition of what’s truly important and meaningful. When you appreciate, by definition, you love.
My parents have shown me all three of these qualities countless times over the years and I’ve seen them show others on circles of love further out from themselves. For sure, we sometimes get out to higher level circles, and then we fall back. Achieving unconditional love in this material reality when things look so different on the surface is not easy. It’s hard. My parents and of course all of us face that on a daily basis. But if we have the right dedication and an open heart, we pick ourselves up, and take our 3 tools of acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude and march outwards again towards Love and Higher Levels of Consciousness.
~Jay Kshatri
www.ThinkSmarterWorld.com
